In His Own Words
About him
The Badger’s Tale - from the anthology:
‘A Mug Of Tea Needs No Saucer’.
Wondering as I do sometimes about sound and vision, badgers were further from my mind than my feet during the tedious evening exercise, when random thoughts were interrupted by an unfamiliar sound ahead.
Peering past a pool of pale sulfur light cast by the old street lamp towards the crest of the path, my vision hitherto finding form in the shapeshifting backlit clouds, now switched to pinpoint the sound ahead, amid the chiaroscuro of moonlight shadows flowing over the garlic and hawthorn hedged path.
Emerging from the darkness loomed a large low wallowing hulk approaching rapidly. Urban wildlife safaris walking to Waitrose suggested a badger at full tilt was on a collision course. Disadvantaged by poor eyesight and motionless evening air, unable to detect the scent of Givency Gentleman, musk barely masking mine after the exertion of numerous circuits of the 1 in 4 incline, and clearly unaware of my presence, it sped recklessly downhill with Eddie the Eagle confidence.
A change in rhythm signalled a second in close convoy, carrying a hindleg limp. The distinctive sound of a lopsided galloping gait revived memories of childhood horse riding holidays; of idyllic days with early morning hacks along high hedged country lanes to Putsborough, and as the sun melted into the ocean, the anticipation and excitement of a gallop through the ebb and flow of the surf’s reach at Croyde Bay beach, tainted too with some trepidation after a horse slipped a shoe suddenly sending its rider body boarding.
Fleeting thoughts of icebergs, ships and sealing wax, floated serenely through a blur of pirouetting dancers, ses chevilles élégantes dont auraient pu être sculptées par Rodin, the faint echos of Chopin, Shostakovich, Bolero and smoke on the water, as my focus returned to the badger column heading towards a towering obstacle, unseen in the twilight, in electric blue Skechers GoWalk shoes. The situation demanded the cool of the Ice Borg versus McEnroe.
About his ideal match
A quick step reaching for a set saving shot made my presence known. The lead badger braked late and hard; its paws with inefficient traction control claws on the loose surface skidded to a skier’s halt a few feet from mine in a plume of heat and dust. Badger no.2 braked late too, narrowly avoiding an embarrassing shunt, then a head on collision as the first pirouetted, performing a masterclass in U turns, defying its bulk and downhill velocity and demonstrating a skill to compensate for the slow pace and curious failure of evolution to provide nightvision appropriate to a nocturnal lifestyle.
The instinct of a rusty skier and a timely turn led to a happy conclusion for badgers and electric blue shoes. Not that it mattered, at least for the shoes, as the flimsy fabric of the front panel had already revealed the Achilles heel of Skechers GoWalk shoes, tested by the abrasive power of a toenail.
The hole, cunningly disguised wearing electric blue socks, was a reminder not to wear them on a date with a sharp eyed siren from ClassicFMRomance although that seemed the least concern of a daunting prospect. What I needed was some advice from one with wisdom.
Drifting in solitude, over my head, an owl with advanced night vision technology, glided silently to a vantage point from where it watched ruefully, surveying the scene below, scornful of the badgers’ bulk blundering about in the darkness on the edge of town. If the owl had any wisdom on the subject of dating it was keeping it to itself.
It seemed supercilious of the owl with its advantages of stealth, silent flight, super sharp sonar and HD vision, to look down on the beleagured badgers without wings or wisdom, still waiting for the gift of sound and vision.
These things I contemplated enduring the Sisyphean exercise under a starry sky above, searching for the moral within that I kant find, as the song's coda faded into thoughts for The Red Squirrel's Tale et une femme qu'a tout compris la faiblesse des hommes avec, en plus, l'elegance de pas le montrer.
What His Friends Say
Lovelife1960 hasn't asked any friends to write a recommendation yet.
About him
Country of origin: |
United Kingdom | |
Location: |
Bristol (Westbury on Trym), Bristol, England | |
Gender: |
Male | |
Age: |
64 | |
Star sign: |
Aries | |
Height: |
6' 1" (185cm) | |
Body type: |
Athletic | |
Looks: |
Attractive | |
Hair colour: |
Greying | |
Eye colour: |
Hazel | |
Relationship Status: |
Single | |
Looking for: |
Activity partners; Friends; Let's see what happens; A long-term relationship | |
Have children: |
Yes, not living with me | |
Want children: |
No | |
Daily diet: |
Eat healthily | |
Smoking: |
Never | |
Drinking: |
Occasionally | |
Education: |
University / College student | |
Occupation: |
Self-employed | |
Income: |
Comfortable | |
Ethnicity: |
White/Caucasian | |
Home language: |
English | |
Other languages: |
French; German; Japanese; Spanish | |
Religion: |
Spiritual, but not religious |
About his ideal match
Country of origin: |
Anywhere in the World | ||
Location: |
Anywhere in the World | ||
Gender: |
Female | ||
Age range: |
57 - 65 | ||
Star sign: |
Any | ||
Height: |
5' 2" (157cm) - 5' 11" (181cm) | ||
Body type: |
Slim; Average; Athletic; Curvaceous | ||
Looks: |
Very Attractive; Above Average; Average; Attractive | ||
Hair colour: |
Blonde; Dark Blonde; Light Brown; Dark Brown; Auburn; Red; Black; Greying; Grey | ||
Eye colour: |
Any | ||
Has a photo: |
Decidedly important | ||
Relationship Status: |
Single; Separated; Divorced; Widowed | ||
Have children: |
No; Yes, not living with me; Yes, living with me sometimes | ||
Want children: |
No | ||
Daily diet: |
Eat most things; Eat healthily; Vegetarian; Vegan | ||
Smoking: |
Never; Occasionally; Trying to Quit | ||
Drinking: |
Any | ||
Education: |
University / College student; Further education; University; Postgraduate; Private school | ||
Occupation: |
Arts / Music / Writing; Executive / Management; Food / Catering; Labour / Construction; Legal; Retired; Self-employed; Teaching / Education / Training; Science / Engineering / Research; Transportation; Other; Agriculture; Advertising / PR; Consultancy / Design; Leisure / Tourism | ||
Income: |
Solvent; Enough; Comfortable; Wealthy | ||
Ethnicity: |
Asian; Indian; Latino/Hispanic; Middle Eastern; White/Caucasian; Other | ||
Home language: |
English; Chinese; Danish; Dutch; French; German; Greek; Italian; Japanese; Portuguese; Russian; Spanish | ||
Other languages: |
Any | ||
Religion: |
Agnostic; Atheist; Buddhist / Taoist; Christian / Catholic; Christian / Protestant; Christian / Other; Hindu; Spiritual, but not religious; Christian / Orthodox |
- Not important at all
- Slightly important
- Moderately important
- Decidedly important
- Non-negotiable
More about him
Sense of humour: |
I don't have one |
Intelligence: |
Intellectually Challenged |
Ruled by: |
Pleasure |
Party behaviour: |
A gate-crasher |
Personality traits: |
Shy |
Valued qualities: |
Celibacy; Honesty; Hope; Humour; Sexiness |
Fashion sense: |
Contemporary (I'm cool, but I don't need labels) |
Favourite clothing: |
Some sensual satin lingerie |
Favourite colour: |
Silver |
Hair style: |
Out of control |
Eyesight: |
I wear glasses and contacts |
Facial hair: |
I have a goatee |
Body hair: |
Shaved |
Disabilities: |
I have none |
Body art: |
Navel ring |
Date activities: |
Going for a walk |
Music preferences: |
Opera; Punk |
Books: |
Self-help |
TV habits: |
I don't have a television |
TV programmes: |
Cartoons |
Movie frequency: |
It's a weekly ritual |
Movie preferences: |
Black & White / Silent |
Interests: |
Writing poetry |
Sport involvement: |
Not involved at all |
Sports: |
Flying / Gliding; Rugby; Running; Skiing |
Cooking: |
I love it! |
Food: |
Fast food; Japanese |
Go Out to Eat: |
I eat out 7 days a week |
Dietary Restrictions: |
Lactose-free |
Pace of Life: |
Stressed |
Time at work: |
I DO have a bed in my office! |
Pastimes of choice: |
Spending time outdoors |
Time online: |
Less than once a week |
Take drugs: |
Addicted |
Family size: |
I've lost count |
Family contact: |
I'll bring them on our first date |
Relationship Type: |
I'm just plain single |
Willing to Relocate: |
For the right person, to the moon! |
Animals: |
I like them Well Done ;) |
Pets (Have): |
Fish; Reptile(s); Horse(s) |
Pets (Dislike): |
Other |
Turn-ons: |
Assertiveness; Dancing; Erotica; Flirting; Intelligence; Long hair; Showing affection in public; Power; Sarcasm; Skinny dipping; Thrill seeking; Wealth |
Work aspirations: |
Find new, more meaningful work |
Religious attendance: |
More than once a week |
Dream home: |
Mansion with loads of servants |
Politics: |
I have no interest in politics |
Retirement plans: |
Sailing the seven seas |
Feelings about using Classic FM Romance: |
Embarrassed |
Honesty: |
It borders on fiction |
